Taking the 'Justin Bieber late for O2 performance' news story, from earlier this month, and mashing it with the Pope's first address, he's imagined a world where fans of the leader of the Catholic Church hit back at him for leaving them hanging for so long. Glorious.
This Scottish newspaper just destroyed Donald Trump's inauguration
Need some ice, Donny?by Emily Badiozzaman
These 8 men are richer than the poorest half of the world
The richest bunch from the 1%by Emily Badiozzaman
Theresa May is about to appear on the cover of a 'fashion bible'
Don't you have other things to be getting on with?
What to do if you ring the police but aren't able to talk
Useful info to knowby Dave Fawbert
Why all men should be more like Joe Biden
His mother always told him that “Nobody is better than you. You're not better than anybody, but nobody is better than you."by Emily Badiozzaman
New guide reveals the best places to travel for each month of the year
Don't book a 2017 holiday without reading this firstby Emily Badiozzaman
Freddos will now cost 30p - is nothing sacred?
2017 shows its true coloursby Tom Fordy
Scientists find lasers can be used to turn mice into killers
So that's something else to be scared of, then...by Sam Diss
Masturbation breaks at work are good for you, apparently
2017 is the year of wanking in the office
Danny Wallace: "The traffic cone is a test of moral strength"
Another life lesson from our award-winning columnist