Jump to Main ContentJump to Primary Navigation

Experts say butter should be kept in the fridge and it's bullshit


Although butter is very clearly not meant to be kept in the fridge, the debate over whether butter should be kept in the fridge – which it should not – still rages on. 

The debate, obviously, is moot: as we have clearly established, butter is not – not – meant to be kept in the fridge. But for some reason, people are still arguing in the face of inarguable evidence, talking about “dairy” “going off” if it’s “left out”, which APPARENTLY gives you “food poisoning”, all the while ignoring the fact that refrigerated butter literally destroys lives, relationships and pieces of cold, untoasted bread.

Anyway, we have a real answer now – according to Dairy UK, butter is meant to be kept in the fridge.

“Butter should definitely be kept in the fridge, not out on the counter,” they told Metro.

Let me put this very carefully: Dairy UK does not know what it is talking about.

Yes, it might be the leading association for the British dairy industry. Yes, it is made up of experts on all elements of the dairy-making process.  Yes, it operates committees on policy and economics, environment and sustainability, supply chain integrity, nutrition and health, and occupational health and safety.

But also: these so-called “experts” very clearly do not know what the fuck they are talking about.

Refrigerated butter will fuck your bread up, mate. It will reduce your tasty piece of tiger loaf into a crumpled mess. Read my lips: you cannot spread cold butter on bread that is not pre-warmed, and sometimes you cannot or should not pre-warm your bread. Sometimes you just want to make a sandwich, and refrigerated butter will not allow that sandwich to reach its full potential. At best your sandwich will be disfigured, at worst inedible. 

I refuse to be in the pocket of Big Butter and I am blowing the whistle on this.



You should be eating your roast beef with chocolate, apparently

butter (1).jpg

Butter does not belong in sandwiches and if you like it you're wrong


Science thinks it's solved the debate over where to keep ketchup


Ice lollies: A definitive ranking from worst to best


Why 'Get a House for Free' is an unintentionally important watch

We can't solve the housing crisis by giving away flats on television

by Tristan Cross
11 Aug 2017

A brief history of the manliest death of all time

We challenge you to find a manlier one

by Sam Diss
03 Aug 2017

How emojis kicked down the door of the English language

From smiley turds to angry devils, emojis have taken over the world – but at what cost?

by Dan Masoliver
17 Jul 2017

Drugs, disease and dead bodies: How I survived a Thai prison

Billy Moore spent three years in two of Thailand’s toughest prisons. This is his story

by Matt Blake
14 Jul 2017

Questions I have for that little Dancing Hot Dog on Snapchat

Tell us what you know, you sausage

by Sam Diss
12 Jul 2017

JAY-Z's 4:44 raises questions about how we treat confessional rap

Greater empathy is needed to understand the nuances of black experience

by Jesse Bernard
11 Jul 2017

I'm so tired of having to explain the N-word

Age, humour, "just singing along" - there is never an excuse

by Carl Anka
11 Jul 2017

"I escaped Jihadist rebels by pushing one off a cliff"

Rock climber Tommy Caldwell faced the ultimate decision: kill or be killed

by Mike Rampton
10 Jul 2017

What the food you bring to a BBQ says about you

You've really got to think these things through

by Sam Diss
03 Jul 2017

Shut up, Nickelback are actually great

An impassioned defence of the most unfairly maligned band in musical history

by Tom Connick
30 Jun 2017