Jump to Main ContentJump to Primary Navigation
Top

Is that terrifyingly huge chicken actually real? An investigation

chick2.PNG

Good morning. Here is today’s news:

LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THIS MASSIVE FUCKING CHICKEN, MAN.

HE (OR SHE) HAS LEGS LIKE FUCKING ROBERTO CARLOS.

THIS IS WORRYING US.

Ahem, sorry: yeah, this has been worrying us. 

At first it looked like a normal chicken...

1

But, quickly, things get VERY REAL.

2

Nope.

3

Nooooooooope.

I swear, that chicken plays prop forward for the Monstars on Space Jam 2: This Time It’s Rugby.

Surely this was Photoshop, right? Image manipulation. “It’s a guy in a chicken suit,” one person in the office said. But look at his (OR HER!) legs, I said, shaking. Look at its backwards knees! The man (OR WOMAN!) would have to be walking backwards in the suit, the best chicken suit ever designed, for it to look even a little bit like that. I’d actually be more impressed if it was a person in a chicken suit: they will have won fancy dress forever, as the Giant Steroid Chicken Bro.

But after gathering my strength, I took to the Reddit to help us soothe our nightmares. But, like… Turns out it’s real. 

In his early career, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson was known as “The Brahma Bull” and this chicken is, literally, called the Brahma Chicken.

4

Light Brahma cock and hen, illustration from Jean Bungartz, Geflügel-Album, 1885 (via Wikipedia)

Wikipedia describes it as “massive, stately bird, with an upright carriage and a large head” typified by “feet [that are] strong, with feathers extending all the way down the middle toe” and you can describe us as “cowering, only-recently-terrified-of-chickens writers” typified by “knees [that are] wobbling, with fear extending all the way down to our feet that are somehow not even as big as this massive chicken’s.”

Related

fabric.png

Fabric is selling its old sound system and you can bid on it

bake4.png

Channel 4 getting Noel Fielding for 'Bake Off' may actually be genius

mono.jpg

A T-Rex and two other new pieces are coming to Monopoly

More

Sir Bruce Forsyth has died aged 89

The legendary presenter has died aged 89

by Gary Ogden
18 Aug 2017

The biggest stereotype about men and sex is actually a load of rubbish

We've been wrong this whole time

by Gary Ogden
18 Aug 2017

Discover the words that became cool in the year you were born

Were you born in the year of booty calls or cybersex?

by Emily Reynolds
18 Aug 2017

This German town came up with a genius way of humiliating neo-Nazis

Is this the best possible way to deal with them?

by Alex Finnis
18 Aug 2017

Donald Trump’s lawyer: possibly not racist, definitely not intelligent

Oldest trick in the book

by Tom Victor
17 Aug 2017

The 10 worst cities in the world to live in 2017

To put your first-world problems into perspective

17 Aug 2017

We have some very, very good news about cheese

Cheese lovers, it's our time to shine

by Emily Reynolds
17 Aug 2017

Jurors refuse to work on Martin Shkreli's trial for the best reasons

He is *not* a popular man

by Emily Reynolds
17 Aug 2017

Apparently millennials hate boobs now - but what do we like instead?

These god damn millennials, eh

by Gary Ogden
17 Aug 2017

All the times Donald Trump has failed to condemn far-right extremists

This has gone on for some time

by Tom Victor
16 Aug 2017