Good morning. Here is today’s news:
LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THIS MASSIVE FUCKING CHICKEN, MAN.
What the fuck is this?!? pic.twitter.com/y93mdPxe6T— Barbancourt Bully (@NY_Wiseass) March 19, 2017
HE (OR SHE) HAS LEGS LIKE FUCKING ROBERTO CARLOS.
THIS IS WORRYING US.
Ahem, sorry: yeah, this has been worrying us.
At first it looked like a normal chicken...
But, quickly, things get VERY REAL.
I swear, that chicken plays prop forward for the Monstars on Space Jam 2: This Time It’s Rugby.
Surely this was Photoshop, right? Image manipulation. “It’s a guy in a chicken suit,” one person in the office said. But look at his (OR HER!) legs, I said, shaking. Look at its backwards knees! The man (OR WOMAN!) would have to be walking backwards in the suit, the best chicken suit ever designed, for it to look even a little bit like that. I’d actually be more impressed if it was a person in a chicken suit: they will have won fancy dress forever, as the Giant Steroid Chicken Bro.
But after gathering my strength, I took to the Reddit to help us soothe our nightmares. But, like… Turns out it’s real.
In his early career, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson was known as “The Brahma Bull” and this chicken is, literally, called the Brahma Chicken.
Wikipedia describes it as “massive, stately bird, with an upright carriage and a large head” typified by “feet [that are] strong, with feathers extending all the way down the middle toe” and you can describe us as “cowering, only-recently-terrified-of-chickens writers” typified by “knees [that are] wobbling, with fear extending all the way down to our feet that are somehow not even as big as this massive chicken’s.”