All things you'd expect to be punched into Yelp on the average night out in the UK's capital, right? Wrong.
The review crowdsourcing site has revealed the "most search for" phrases of Londoners looking to paint the town red - and it turns out they're a pretty sordid bunch.
Check out the following gallery to see how the night of the average London Yelp user slides from the illicit to the downright desperate. You can clearly see how the average night goes from boozy fun to regrettable decisions.