Nudist beaches may sound good on paper, but the reality is deeply unpleasant.
If 60-year-old scrotum isn't reason enough to steer clear, how about explosives?
The Royal Navy has unearthed a staggering 61 bombs after a two days sweep of a nudist beach on the Isle of Sheppey in Kent.
Bomb disposal was called in after 26 bombs - including two submarine depth charges and six 10lb mortar bombs - were washed up last month. Now, 61 more brings the total to 87.
North Kent coastguard manager Colin Ingram told the Telegraph: "It is quite a find. A lot of shooting and plane exercises happened around Leysdown. Sometimes the shells wouldn't go off when dropped from a plane, or shot from a rifle, but be cushioned by the mud and not explode."
And yes our image is from the Hurt Locker. It was either that or stock nudist imagery, and you wouldn't have enjoyed them, honestly.