Jump to Main ContentJump to Primary Navigation
Top

A man ate sushi and then worms grew in his stomach, and that's just great

sushi.jpg

Sushi’s alright, isn’t it? I mean, it’s the uncooked, uncured flesh of a defenseless animal, but it’s alright, you know what I mean? Nice little tasty morsels that melt in the mouth – yummy yummy yummy I’ve got fish in my tummy.

But I think my favourite part of eating sushi, is when, a couple of days later, parasitic worms grow inside my stomach and attach themselves to its inner lining and make me seriously ill. That’s the best part about the whole thing – when a foul worm is born inside you, and it buries itself into your stomach wall. God I love that.

This lot:

d

Hey little cuties! How’s it hanging down there, inside me? Hope it’s nice and cosy for you! Enjoy your stay!

The latest lucky person to indulge in this particular form of luxury was a man in Portugal, who ate some sushi covered in infected (oh god that word turns me on) larvae (and that one). Weirdly, he didn’t do this on purpose, and so didn’t actually plan on a bunch of worms settling down in his stomach – how embarrassing, he probably didn’t have time to tidy up or anything!

The whole craze is called Anisakiasis, and involves the larvae hatching in your gut and the worms firmly planting themselves to your stomach lining. Symptoms include intense pride and abdominal swelling and pain.

For some unfathomable reason, this ungrateful prick went to the hospital and turfed the snuggly little bizzers out of their home. Doctors (more like BAILIFFS) performed an endoscopy (more like WORM RIGHTS VIOLATION) and used a special kind of net to cruelly snatch the inhabitants out of the man’s gut.

After that, the man lost his pain, swelling and also an invite to my next worm party. He certainly isn’t going to be rubbing his warm belly up against mine as we walk in a circle and chant worm rhymes, that’s for sure. How frigid.

(Images: iStock)

Related

sushishoes.jpg

This woman is making shoes out of sushi and I want to wear them

sushi-donut-sobeautifullyraw-12.jpg

So sushi donuts are an actual thing now

1.jpg

A chef has made Big Mac Sushi

More

We asked burger experts to design the perfect patty for the apocalypse

May as well die happy - while eating a burg

by Chris Sayer
18 Aug 2017

You can get free chips delivered right to your desk today

It's easy, and anyone can do it

by Tom Victor
18 Aug 2017

The 50 best restaurants in the UK have been named

Prepare for some 10/10 food porn

by Tom Victor
17 Aug 2017

What your coffee order says about you

According to an actual barista

by Carl Anka
16 Aug 2017

Aldi’s £18 whisky has been crowned one of the best in the world

They're getting good at this booze thing

by Tom Victor
16 Aug 2017

All hail Nigel Slater, the Quiet King of Cookery

The dangerously sensual chef makes cooking seem like the most enjoyable thing in the world

by Josh Baines
15 Aug 2017

There's a very cynical reason behind why crisp packets are so noisy

God damn them

by Emily Reynolds
15 Aug 2017

Wetherspoon's have a new rule and you're *not* going to like it

What are we supposed to do now?

by Tom Victor
14 Aug 2017

This mobile bar will deliver gin to your house

A gin and tonic please, driver

by Gary Ogden
14 Aug 2017

Your Subway sandwich just got more expensive and people are very upset

This is not on

by Dave Fawbert
11 Aug 2017