Once we lived in simple times, when pizza was made up of a round dough base, tomato sauce, cheese and a narrow selection of meat or vegetable-based toppings. We were, as a society, broadly happy with this. This was a time when the most outre thing you could do to your pizza was put pineapple on it.
Then somebody invented the stuffed crust and we began an inexorable slide toward the cheeseburger crust, the hotdog crust and the Kit Kat pizza and the certain destruction of humanity. Apparently they were not the end, as Domino's has now created the 'chicken crust pizza'.
One-upping the current trend, 'chicken crust' - or as Domino's calls it, 'Speciality Chicken' - doesn't mean there is chicken stuffed in the crust. Oh no. The entire dough section of the pizza has been obliterated and replaced with pieces of chicken breast, welded together with cheese and your choice of toppings, like Sweet Barbecue Bacon and Spicy Jalapeno Pineapple.
How far can this go, this Trigger's Broom pizza trend? How many constituent parts can you remove and still call the resulting product pizza? We are through the looking glass here, people, and only one thing is for certain: We're all going to get fat.