1) Siren Hillbilly Wine (9% ABV)
USP: Not actual wine, but a fruity imperial IPA made using a ‘Spinbot’ to whip it around oak chips, like a boozy Wall-E.
What it’s like: Fruity and oaky, it’s better balanced than those Olympic gymnasts we’ve already forgotten. You could drink it all day (but don’t).
2) Brewdog Dog D (16.1% ABV)
USP: A smooth, barrel-aged imperial stout strong enough to make you believe you could build actual empires.
What it’s like: Melted chocolate in a chocolate cup followed by chocolate liqueur. Don’t think of it as beer and you’ll love it.
3) Mikkeller Monk’s Brew (10% ABV)
USP: Danish version of a Belgian quadruple beer (one that’s at least 10%).
What it’s like: Cola-ish, with disguised potency. Could ambush you later, like Brigitte Nielsen jumping crotch-first on to Jean-Claude Van Damme.
4) Stillwater Artisanal As Follows (9% ABV)
USP: A ‘Belgian-style golden ale’ from a Brooklyn brewery that describes its beers as its ‘works’. Oh, Brooklyn.
What it’s like: Features a tartness that would cut nicely through a curry or abject loneliness.
5) Pressure Drop Bosko Absoluto (9% ABV)
USP: An Imperial IPA and flash, strong version of this Hackney brewery’s Bosko IPA.
What it’s like: The strongly hoppy aftertaste sticks in the mouth for some time, like a word that you regret saying.
6) Trappistes Rochefort 8 (9.2% ABV)
USP: Brewed at a Belgian monastery, this dark ale is proof that monks cannot be trusted with our wellbeing.
What it’s like: Toffees: the grown-up equivalent of a priest handing sweets out to kids.
7) Brewdog Barrel Aged Albino Squid Assassin (9.2% ABV)
USP: This rye IPA is aged in rye whiskey barrels for six whole months. Burglars get less!
What it’s like: Caramel, fruit, kind of like… caramelised fruit. Some smoke in there, too, but not caramelised smoke.
8) The Five Points Brewing Co Old Greg’s Barley Wine (9.5% ABV)
USP: Spends over 12 months in the bottle. Murderers get less!
What it’s like: Smells of America, tastes of whisky and aniseed, may cause outbursts of righteousness and surprisingly fresh breath.
(Photography: Darling Creative)