Jump to Main ContentJump to Primary Navigation
Top

9 Famous movie characters that can make you better at dating

Campbell

Hayley Campbell has some advice on how to improve your dating skills. Involves turning into a fly and wearing an eye-patch

Movies set us up for disappointment, because real life is not like movies – this is a thing people have said a billion times. Your real life is dreary compared to the one on that massive screen in the Vue, isn’t it? Is it? Nah, I dunno. I for one am pretty glad I’m not living on the Planet Of The Apes, and that the ebola virus didn’t end up turning into 28 Days Later, so the bleak death I’d resigned myself to never actually happened. I’m happy that I don’t have to go on some painful nine-hour journey, wearing no shoes, to throw a ring into a fire. But there’s one bit where I wish life actually was like the movies, and that is when it comes to real-life men, because real-life men are lame.

The ratio of time I spend watching films vs dating actual human men is about 100:1, because I have a cat and an internet connection, and real-life men just don’t measure up to either of those. Watch as many movies as I do, and you start to wonder why you bother going out anyway, and then one day you realise you’re welded to your pyjamas, Tinder has become a game of Snap, and you only use Happn to spy on your neighbours.

But you can save women like me from ourselves by being less sh*t. Here are some fictional men you should be more like if you want us to come out of our rooms. Just some objects of my ladyboner affection. Please, stitch all these fictional men together like some kind of Frankenstein’s monster until they cancel each other out and you are scientifically impossible to love because ultimately we don’t know what we want anyway.

(Images: AllStar, Kobal, Rex Features)

Related

settling1.jpg

Finally: an honest dating website

rexfeatures_4973103a.jpg

Most women don’t actually want to ‘Netflix and Chill’ on a first date

google_photos.png

You can erase all traces of your ex with this new Google feature

rexfeatures_3853187a.jpg

According To Research Your Wallpaper Could Be Ruining Your Sex Life

books2.jpg

The Classic Ladybird Books Are Getting An Adult Remake

main.jpg

First Date’s Fred Sirieix on 10 dating mistakes men should avoid

Comments

More

Watch Gordon Ramsay and Kevin Spacey have a swearing match

Has Ramsay finally met his match?

by Matt Tate
25 May 2017

Tom Hardy is raising money for the victims of the Manchester attack

As if we didn't already love him enough

by Dave Fawbert
25 May 2017

The Rock has finally recreated his amazing fanny pack photo

And yeah, he's pulled it off again

by Gary Ogden
25 May 2017

A scene-by-scene breakdown of the new 'Game of Thrones' trailer

"If we don't put aside our enmities and band together, we will die"

by Alex Finnis
25 May 2017

Watch the new trailer for Valerian & the City of a Thousand Planets

It stars Cara Delevingne, Clive Owen, Rihanna and Herbie Hancock

by Dave Fawbert
24 May 2017

Lads jokingly ask Premier League player for a kickabout & he turns up

"Guys I've got a ringer for the match, I think he might be quite useful"

by Matt Tate
24 May 2017

There is an island in Japan you can only visit if you're a man & naked

Form an orderly queue guys

by Gary Ogden
24 May 2017

Channel 4 accidentally air sweary Gordon Ramsay show at 11am

Wonder what they said in the control room when they realised?

by Gary Ogden
24 May 2017

People are remembering Roger Moore's amazing newspaper correction

The most classically Roger Moore moment you can imagine

by Dave Fawbert
24 May 2017

Tom Cruise says 'Top Gun 2' is 'definitely happening'

But when Tom? When?!

by Dave Fawbert
24 May 2017