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How to become a television hunk

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Follow these steps and be instantly attractive to millions of women


Hunk

Have long, tousled hair


Hunk

Stand on bleak hilltops to allow said hair to dramatically billow


Hunk

Have two stares: 1) The thousand-yard stare, which indicates a depth of emotion which you would never actually show as it’s too unmanly; 2) The meaningful stare, which, when directed at a woman, indicates imminent raw passion, or if directed at a man, indicates imminent raw violence


Hunk

Ride a horse. Preferably a stallion


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Get injured. Scars look cool, and suggest life struggles, which only the love of a woman can truly heal. Injuries also allow you to take off your shirt so you can show off your body and be mothered by the female lead – even though you’re far from a little boy, you’re a really massive man. Vulnerable brutes go down pretty well


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Be supportive of gender politics, despite the heavily misogynistic brutality of the oppressive era your show’s set in


Hunk

Be provincial


Hunk

Be a virgin, who requires a more experienced woman to show you the ropes. Importantly, you must then turn out to be a proper all-night animal in the sack with no premature ejaculation concerns at all


Hunk

Never use cutlery

(Images: BBC, Rex, All Star)

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