Jump to Main ContentJump to Primary Navigation

Here are the people who HAVE to be the next Great British Bake Off presenters


As fans of The Great British Bake Off will no doubt already be aware, things are seriously kicking off in the world of cakes and buns.

The show is moving to Channel 4, having been unable to agree a fee with the BBC, but not it seems with long-time presenters Sue Perkins and Mel Giedroyc, who have said they won't be "following the dough".

So with this dream team heading for pastures new, who could replace them? And what might happen if an unexpected new presenter was to come onto the scene?

Well wonder no more...

Jeremy Clarkson


Hijinks that will ensue:

Yes, Clarkson making a grand return to the Beeb. The contestants all look towards the entrance of the tent in unison as the roar of a V8 engine can be heard quickly approaching. Before you can say ‘racial discrimination lawsuit’ an Aston Martin bursts through the wall of the marquee. Clarkson proudly steps out, slams the door, and booms “Now THAT….is a car!” Feeling hungry from his grand entrance, Jeremy demands a hot meal from the show’s producer and upon learning that there are only cold sandwiches available, punches him in the face. Richard Hammond looks on giggling and films it on his mobile phone.

David Cameron


Hijinks that will ensue:

Keen not to sign on the dole just yet, Cameron begrudgingly accepts to present the series. After a solid start and good ratings, he's inexplicably managed to build a sort of robotic rapport with the contestants, and he appears to have earned the respect of the judges too. That is until week 4. The Challenge? Pork pies. Upon the mention of the word pork Cameron turns a dark shade of beetroot and stutters “I’m terribly sorry but I think I need to leave”, before hastily exiting the marquee.

The Chuckle Brothers


Hijinks that will ensue: 

Having been a tad short of work in recent years, Barry and Paul eagerly accept the invitation to present the UK’s biggest baking show. You can cut the sexual tension between Mary and Paul with a dessert knife. However, things quickly descend into chaos when the comic duo drop each of the contestant's cakes onto the floor after trying to pass them to each other in a ‘to me, to you’ type fashion. “Oh dear, oh dear oh dear”. 

Lady Gaga


Hijinks that will ensue: 

The judges and contestants are growing weary of Gaga’s antics, as week after week she comes onto the show wearing outfits made entirely from baking related goods, themed according to week’s challenges. Things reach breaking point by week 6 when the bakers must prepare a variety of different pastry. Gaga rocks up in a filo bikini which has begun to drop to bits well before the halfway point. Needless to say, Mary Berry is far from impressed.

Conor McGregor


Hijjinks that will ensue: 

Before appearing on his first episode of Bake Off, McGregor goes live on television to openly trash talk Mary Berry. Excited viewers place their bets, adamant that Conor is going to knock Berry out, probably in the first round of bakes. However, as the contestants begin baking their second batch, Mary Berry delivers an astounding strike to McGregor’s jaw, sending him crashing to the floor defeated. Paul Hollywood lifts her arm into the air as she screams “I’m not surprised motherf*****!!” The crowd goes wild.

Kim & Kanye


Hijinks that will ensue:

After agreeing to co-host the program on the proviso that the name be changed to The Great Kanye Bake Off, the duo arrive at the Bake Off filming location with a full film crew in tow. Kim wanders off with her camera crew shooting her every move, and Kanye goes to speak to the contestants. Having watched a few of the contestants bake fairy cakes, Kanye climbs up onto the counter and exclaims “Yo yo yo stop the program. You are now witnessing the greatest baker in the world. I am a genius, man. Ain’t nobody gona bake a better fairy cake than Kanye”. He proceeds to bake a series of very average fairy cakes which for some inexplicable reason, everyone loves.

Jeremy Corbyn


Hijinks that will ensue:

After being commissioned to present the series, Jeremy Corbyn openly voices his support of puff pastry. He’s subsequently slammed by the press for his "anti-shortcrust views". Owen Smith immediately holds a rally in support of his Bake Off skills in central London, forcing traffic to a standstill. Meanwhile Mary Berry and Paul Hollywood launch a campaign to remove him from the show. The Guardian run an article claiming it was actually Corbyn's fault that the Bake Off moved to Channel 4 in the first place.


Adam Richman


Hijinks that will ensue:

Richman can’t contain his excitement at being chosen to host a baking competition. No sooner has he entered the arena before he is piling a 30” plate up with all of the bakers' ingredients. He proceeds to sit down at the camera crew’s table and eat the lot of it in 15 minutes flat before standing up on his seat, holding his plate above his swollen head like a trophy and screaming at the top of his lungs while everybody claps and cheers. Man wins.

Bear Grylls


Hijinks that will ensue:

The first episode is just about to commence filming when Bear Grylls tears through the ceiling, landing in a Spiderman style pose as his helicopter flies off into the distance. He then grabs a piece of flint from his rucksack, crouches on the floor, and turns to the camera: “Out in the wilderness, you don’t have ovens to bake your cakes. One trick I learned in the army is to use a piece of flint.” The contestants look on in confusion as Bear lights a small fire and begins roasting beetles over it. After he’s had his fill he turns to the camera again: “Now that we’ve had some protein we need to find the nearest water source and follow it upstream.” Hollywood looks aghast. Bear sprints off into the woods, never to be seen again.



The funniest Twitter reactions to the BBC losing GB Bake Off


Whatever next? Greggs has introduced a new 'healthy' pasty


7 reasons why TV is about to get way better



These are all the things Netflix needs, according to the internet

We will never be satisfied

by Matt Tate
26 Jul 2017

Matt Groening is making a brand new animated series for Netflix

And he's bringing back some familiar voices

by Tom Victor
26 Jul 2017

This 'Game of Thrones' detail shows us how Euron's ship got its name

Did you spot this?

by Alex Finnis
26 Jul 2017

The full letter Jorah wrote to Daenerys in 'Game of Thrones'

He thought he was done for

by Alex Finnis
26 Jul 2017

17 things you might have missed from 'Game of Thrones' S7E2

'Stormborn' was packed full of easter eggs

by Alex Finnis
25 Jul 2017

We worked out how long all the 'Love Island' couples will last

Will any of them go the distance?

by Gary Ogden
25 Jul 2017

Kem and Chris from 'Love Island' might be getting their own TV show

The bromance will live on!

by Gary Ogden
25 Jul 2017

What in the world is going on with Jeremy Clarkson's Twitter?

What have you done with the real Clarkson?

by Dave Fawbert
25 Jul 2017

Why Danny Dyer's Deadliest Men proves he is the People's Louis Theroux

Don't let the memes fool you - Deadliest Men is a legitimately important documentary series

by Alex Timperley
24 Jul 2017

'Game of Thrones' hints at one of its most controversial fan theories

Not everyone loves this idea

by Alex Finnis
24 Jul 2017