Jump to Main ContentJump to Primary Navigation
Top

These middle-class chat-up lines will make you scoff like a toff

You're in Whole Foods, pressing your thumb into some baby avocados, when you see her: the girl of your dreams.

She's scanning the artisanal artichoke aisle, wearing the same high-end gilet as her pet mongoose. You wrack your brains for the perfect introduction.

You're still thinking, reaching up to grab the new issue of Tatler, when your hand knocks into another. It's hers, and now your eyes meet. She smiles. Now's your chance. Say something. But what?

Easy: crack out one of these utterly middle-class chat up lines put together by The Poke and the hilarious piss-takers of Twitter.

Related

1.png

People using memes to describe historical events is brilliant

1.jpg

The Twitter reaction to Harrison Ford's return for Indiana Jones 5

leicester1.jpg

This is officially the world's unluckiest football fan

Comments

More

The story of the craziest football match I've ever seen

Police and Football League lie to fans to complete game at Leyton Orient

by Dave Fawbert
29 Apr 2017

I judged the International Booker Prize shortlist by their covers

So the saying doesn't go

by Gary Ogden
28 Apr 2017

Women fancy men who read and this is the book that impresses them most

But it doesn't work the other way

by Tom Mendelsohn
28 Apr 2017

The Fyre Festival looks like one of the worst events in human history

People have spent up to $12,000 on an unfolding disaster of an experience that you will not believe

by Tom Mendelsohn
28 Apr 2017

Whatever happened to the FA Cup Final song?

Time for the 80s and 90s staple to make a comeback

by Tom Victor
27 Apr 2017

Ray Winstone on family, feminism and how film stars have changed

His wilder years may be behind him, but a return to his roots has given Ray Winstone a new lease of life

by Jimi Famurewa
27 Apr 2017

These iconic album covers look better as children

We couldn't do a version with the Nevermind baby

by Tom Victor
27 Apr 2017

Sir David Attenborough opens up about health struggles

It is taking the 90-year-old longer to write his scripts

by Tom Victor
27 Apr 2017

Watch Mindhorn for FREE with ShortList Film Club

Check out the new film starring Julian Barratt

27 Apr 2017

M. Night Shyamalan announces sequels to Split and Unbreakable

*SPOILERS INSIDE*

by Gary Ogden
27 Apr 2017