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Louis Van Gaal's Daftest United Moments


It's been nothing less than a fascinating first season in charge of Manchester United for Dutch master Louis Van Gaal - one that was celebrated in truly bizarre style with a gloriously rambling speech at the club's Player of the Year Awards last night.

Coming off the back of Holland's hugely impressive World Cup performance last summer, expectations were high, with the Old Trafford faithful desperate for a return to success after David Moyes' shortly-lived reign (despite that six year contract). Could they return to the Premier League summit that they were used to perching on for all those years under Fergie?

Well, not quite. And the season wasn't exactly what they'd expected. They got that top four place they were looking for, but it was a bumpy ride.

A 4-0 defeat to MK Dons, a draw with League 2's Cambridge United, hoof ball to Fellaini despite spending £150m on high class talent (most of which ended the season out of the team) - and Louis Van Gaal proving himself far more entertaining than anyone expected.

Here's his top moments from a truly strange season.

The End-of-season Speech

Was it relief at making his way through the season with his job and reputation intact? Or just too much plonk? Either way it resulted in a glorious seven minute monologue where he repeatedly praised his team's spirit, constantly referred to the team's dreadful start - where they had 13 points after 10 games - then left the stage before returning, yelling "Hello, hello, pay attention to the manager!" and then telling the people present that, “I have seen a lady who plays the saxophone fantastically. Give her big applause.” Even before this he'd clipped assistant Ryan Giggs round the ear for out-bidding him on an auction for a round of golf with Dwight Yorke. The mind truly boggles.

Don't say 'Long Ball'

The moment where Van Gaal 'did a Benitez'. With Sam Allardyce displaying Fergie-esque levels of wind-up merchantry, he'd calmly stated in a post-match interview that United had played a long-ball game while securing a last-minute draw against his West Ham side in February. This enraged Louis so much that he did what any man would do when provoked: head straight to his computer and rattle off a powerpoint presentation. He then described its contents to the press before handing out a copy of the document for them to photocopy and distribute. According to Van Gaal, most of the 'long balls' were sideways, rather than forward. And those are the 'facts' eh Louis? Just watch the eye-roll and grimace from the club PR officer right at the end of the video...

Van Gaal Long Ball

Twitching His Ass

Louis Van Gaal may be a legend of the game, but he was still following in the footsteps of the daddy of them all in Sir Alex Ferguson. And with Fergie coining a series of memorable phrases in his time in charge, it was only natural that Louis would want to create his own in Manchester. So, where Alex had 'squeaky bum time', Louis described his 'twitching ass' to a bemused media, following their truly underwhelming goalless draw against League 2's Cambridge United in an FA Cup match in January. It was seemingly caused by having to play his less-preferred 4-4-2 formation which left his side 'out of balance'. Too much ass twitching and you might be in danger of losing your balance too Louis.

Social Media Guru

We can't imagine old Louis has much time for the new-fangled social media of our time. Instagram? Unlikely. Facebook? Probably not. Snapchat? Only if you mention long balls. But it didn't stop him poking fun at United's Twitter account after they'd wrongly reported that defender Daley Blind would be out for six months, rather than a few weeks, following a knee injury in the World Cup. Reading very slowly and sarcastically, with his glasses on, he passed on the message that Luke Shaw would be out for just a few weeks with an injury. We imagine United's social media manager had a twitchy ass after watching that.

'That's good. That you are interested'

Louis can have a jape and a laugh with the best of the lads. But don't catch him on a bad day, as the BBC's Guy Mowbray found out to his cost following United's 1-0 defeat against Chelsea in April. Awkward doesn't really do it justice, as Van Gaal delivers one of the most tetchy and patronising interviews we've ever seen. Mourinho must have been grinning like a Cheshire cat when he saw this one.

Season's Greetings

Van Gaal has had an interesting time with the press all season, often veering between irritated and jovial, but he still found time to raise a glass to his comrades at Christmas time. Watch out Louis - too much of the red and you'll end up with a nose like Fergie.



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