Jump to Main ContentJump to Primary Navigation
Top

Man goes on blind date and is a total arse about it, so Twitter rips him apart

blind date.jpg

I’ve not been on many bad dates, but I’m 100% sure that many women have been on bad dates with me. But hey, the internet never finds out if I spill a whole pint on my crotch, or accidentally punch myself in the face and get a nosebleed, because I keep it a secret – nobody will ever know.

However, if you decide to go on a date that is organised by Time Out New York, who print your post-date interview, then you better behave like a class-act, otherwise your douchey answers are going to seep through the internet quicker than a dog’s nose through tissue paper, whatever that means.

What Time Out New York do, is set up people on blind dates – people that reckon they’re unlucky in love – in a feature called Meet The Undateables. Most of the time, it doesn’t work, sometimes it does, and sometimes, like this time: there’s a shitshow of Jackson Pollock proportions.

Meet Alyssa and Matt, both 24. Alyssa is a good person, Matt, is not.

Here’s how their date went:

First impression

Alyssa: “I didn’t want to be that girl who’s late, and I was trying really hard, but I was about three minutes late. He stood up, and we hugged. He was really nice and charming.”
Billy: “She was about five minutes late, which annoyed the shit out of me. As soon as she walked into the room, I knew she wasn’t the girl for me. She didn’t have the goods.”

She was FIVE MINUTES late. FIVE MINUTES. What an unbelievable, unreasonable, psycho bitch.

Chemistry

Alyssa: “He’s an actor, and that’s totally uncharted territory for me. I like a really stable job in a significant other. But the conversation was very friendly. He did a lot of the talking.”
Billy: “Whether I was attracted to her or not, I still had to sit there for two hours and be a gentleman. We had a nice conversation. She complimented me many times.”

God, I can’t believe he had to sit there for two hours and be a gentleman. I can’t sit anywhere for more than five minutes without ripping my shirt off and hurling dung at the nearest window. I feel for him.

Awkward Moment

Alyssa: “A couple of times he told me not to be nervous. I wasn’t nervous, but that made me second-guess myself and get in my head. And then the conversation stalled.”
Billy: “She ordered her filet mignon well done. The waiter just looked at me, and I looked at the waiter. I was like, ‘Live your life, but this is not Outback Steakhouse, girl.’ ”

She ordered it well done?!?! What an uneducated luddite! If you don’t have it medium rare, or preferably, blue, then it doesn’t taste like steak anymore. NOBODY IS ALLOWED TO HAVE THEIR FOOD THE WAY THEY LIKE IT. THEY MUST HAVE IT LIKE I DO.

Afterward

Alyssa: “We got a little ice cream afterward, which was awesome. We both gabbed about the fact that we really respect a place that will give you a macaron with your ice cream.”
Billy: “I was trying to be nice and end the date, but the waiter was like, ‘Do you want some ice cream?’ and she was like, ‘Yay! Ice cream!’ So that was another 20 minutes.”

This is the last straw. She’s at a nice restaurant and she wants some dessert? She wants to make the most of it???? I wouldn’t have that – nobody is allowed to like ice cream on my watch. Poor guy – I wouldn’t be able to deal with this shit. Fucking ridiculous.

Verdict

Alyssa: ♥♥♥/5 – “We left the restaurant, walked to the subway and said goodbye. I’m really glad that I met him; he was really interesting and cool. But I got more of a friend vibe.”
Billy: ♥/5 – “There was nothing drawing me in. She was very sweet, always smiling, always bubbly. But I feel like I took two hours of my time and kind of just burned it.”

Can you even imagine going on a two-hour date with someone who was very sweet, always smiling and always bubbly? Sounds like an absolute nightmare to me. A FLAMING, SOUL-SUCKING, GUT-RIPPING NIGHTMARE.

Anyway, that was that. Bad date for him, yet somehow, quite a good date for her? He’s obviously a very good actor. Not that I’ve ever seen him in anything. ZING!

Oh and also, owing to his slightly foul answers, Twitter obviously picked up on it, and subsequently ran a mile with it. Evidence:

Here's Billy's response to the justifed furore:

I mean, sometimes magazines do take things out of context, and may even pop in the odd misquote, so we can’t 100% definitely be sure he said these things. But he did, didn’t he? He definitely did it. 

(Images: Time Out New York/Kelsey Dubinsky)

Related

politico-relationship.jpg

Can you be in love with someone with different politics to you?

cheat.jpg

There's a 51% chance that people on dating sites are in a relationship

brexitbreakuppic.jpg

A staggering number of people broke up with their partners over Brexit

Comments

More

Why Danny Dyer's Deadliest Men proves he is the People's Louis Theroux

Don't let the memes fool you - Deadliest Men is a legitimately important documentary series

by Alex Timperley
24 Jul 2017

'Game of Thrones' hints at one of its most controversial fan theories

Not everyone loves this idea

by Alex Finnis
24 Jul 2017

The new 'Westworld' Season 2 trailer is very bleak and very violent

Dolores is on a rampage

24 Jul 2017

The meaning behind Arya's scene in this week's 'Game of Thrones'

It calls back all the way to Season 1

by Alex Finnis
24 Jul 2017

Check out the exclusive new trailer for 'Logan Lucky'

This is the summer's next big hit

by Gary Ogden
24 Jul 2017

What happened to Ivan Drago after 'Rocky IV'?

Stallone's teased he'll feature in 'Creed II, but what's he been up to?

by Carl Anka
24 Jul 2017

We have a winner in the shark vs human swimming race

Will it be fish or Phelps?

by Dave Fawbert
24 Jul 2017

We pinpointed the exact moment The Simpsons should have ended

Consider every episode after this null and void

by Tristan Cross
21 Jul 2017

The very best 'so-bad-they're-good' movies you absolutely need to see

Thought 'The Room' was bad? You ain't seen nothing yet

by Gary Ogden
21 Jul 2017

13 films with 0% on Rotten Tomatoes that are worth watching

How dare Kevin and Perry Go Large get 0%?!

by Gary Ogden
21 Jul 2017