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Most Unnecessary Movie Action Figures

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As any Star Wars buff will attest, movie action figures can be playful reminders of our favourite films, favourite moments in those films and, ultimately, reminders of accessory-wielding characters who impacted well beyond the cinema.
 
Though for every ten Han Solo in carbon figurines there is always one more questionable movie tie-in figurine - either an ill-thought out blunder that spawned from a toy company’s marketing department or simply a character who didn't really deserve to be immortalised in plastic forever, potentially ruining some young scamp's birthday present.
 
Mint condition or not, here are the most unnecessary ever made.

Toy

Mr Miyagi - The Karate Kid

Why batter high school bullies at karate tournaments and win the girl with your Daniel-San action figure when you can step into the shoes of a heartbroken old man battling the demons of his dead wife and child? Miniature chopsticks and plastic housefly sold separately.

1

Wheelchair Rocky – Rocky II

As Rock himself once put it, "It ain't about how hard you hit – it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.” Which we presume won’t be a problem for Wheelchair Rocky, so long as wheelchair ramps and other disabled facilities are installed correctly.

Toy

Real world Neo – The Matrix

No skills, no cool leather jacket, no guns, no glasses, just a torn and tatty outfit making Neo of The Matrix franchise look as if he’s wandered into a mid-nineties music video for Skunk Anansie. Red pill, blue pill. we’ll take a fistful of whichever stops us looking like this ‘real world’ Neo. The fake one’s fine for us.


Nicky

Sleeping Nicky – Little Nicky

The only thing we can say about this slumbering Adam Sandler figure is that he must have suffered the indignity of watching his own film. We’re snoring just thinking about it.

Toy

Terl – Battlefield Earth

John Travolta as a Rastafarian space alien in a major flop loosely associated with the teachings of Scientology? Yep, we’ll put that pride of place on top of our mantelpiece, no doubt about that. 

Park

Dennis Nedry – Jurassic Park

Nerdy by name (almost), nerdy by nature, Jurassic Park’s chief computer geek programmer was the biggest schlub on the island, with even the original novel describing him as “fat and sloppy”. On this basis, we can only guess some shady toy marketing people were the reason for this drastically slimmed down action figurine painting him more in a hero light.

Toy

Mary Jane Watson – Spider-Man

Despite being dressed like Street Fighter’s Chung Li, Kirstin Dunst’s Mary Jane did little in the way of action stunts for Spider-Man. Her biggest technical achievement? Kissing the web slinger as he hung upside down. Hardly an empowering action figure for young female viewers conscious of Hollywood's male dominated superhero fare.

Batman

Bob – Batman

You know, Bob? The lead goon of The Joker’s gang in Tim Burton’s Batman? No? Barely remembered as the sap who takes a bullet in the chest from his unsympathetic employer, we’re not sure how he warrants his own action figure, let alone a special ‘power kick’ function. Thankfully it even comes with the same gun he’s shot with, so there’s that.

1

The entire set – Django Unchained

Quite wisely, the Weinstein Company asked the toy company behind this series of action figures based on the already close-to-the-bone Django Unchained to halt production when everyone with a brain pointed out just how crass they were. We can imagine particular ire was drawn to Samuel L Jackson’s twisted house slave, which may have been a great character but was all sorts of wrong as an 'action figure'.

Toy

Gracie Law – Big Trouble In Little China

There certainly would have been big trouble on Christmas day had we ever opened this howler of a toy. Given Kim Cattrall’s character was pretty one-note in the film, it’s utterly pointless. Anyway, we all know a plastic incarnation of Kurt Russell’s macho truck driver Jack Burton is where the action is at. If only for that vest.

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