Jump to Main ContentJump to Primary Navigation
Top

Michael Bay has had the most Michael Bay camera possible made for him

michbay.jpg

You rarely get to see people in their happiest element, but here is a video of multi-million-dollar filmmaker and playboy arsonist Michael Bay dancing around (hopefully) a set, filming stuff explode with a custom camera made for him by RED called the ‘BAYHEM’:

 

 

Just watch Michael Bay, giddy as a toddler discovering a new place for the first time, pointing his little BAYHEM at fireballs and debris and people getting their limbs blasted off, while Tchaikovsky plays in his head. Pure serenity. The sight of tank being ripped apart or a torso flying through the air is to Michael Bay as sinking into a bubble bath is to the normal person, and he wants to share a small slice of that with the world.  And now RED have made it easier for him, with the “lightest, most advanced hand held motion picture camera in the world.”

You might note that they’ve called it the ‘BAYHEM’ and painted it a hideous luminous green, exactly like a child dizzy on a lemonade would, rather than a serious filmmaker, but halt your criticism. Michael Bay isn’t bothered by such trivial concerns as: ‘framing’, ‘lighting’, or ‘not filming something so it feels like you’ve been pushed down a hill in a zorb with a load of pots and pans, which are on fire’, Michael Bay just wants to film as many explosions and severed limbs as quickly and as indiscriminately as possible. Michael Bay will only stop filming indiscriminate explosions and limbs to occasionally linger on the exposed cleavage of his female protagonist.

 

 

Michael Bay lingers on the exposed cleavage of his female protagonist, counting in his head, “…28…29…30!” then whirls off and returns to the explosions and the limbs. You get the impression Michael Bay is annoyed by formal constraints such as ‘plot’, ‘acting’ and ‘filming things that aren’t explosions.’ You get the feeling Michael Bay just wants to waltz around a battlefield with his BAYHEM until it runs out of battery.

With that in mind, we have written Michael Bay’s ideal BAYHEM-ready script:

Michael Bay's Ideal Movie

If you're a representative of Michael Bay, or Michael Bay himself, drop us an email and we'll send over our PayPal details. Let's make movies.

Related

Craig.jpg

Daniel Craig 'offered $150m' for two more Bonds

1.jpg

Epic mashup puts all your favourite film characters in one bathroom

Comments

More

The very best 'so-bad-they're-good' movies you absolutely need to see

Thought 'The Room' was bad? You ain't seen nothing yet

by Gary Ogden
21 Jul 2017

Watch the trailer for 'The Disaster Artist', the film about 'The Room'

James Franco steps into Tommy Wiseau's infamous boots

by Gary Ogden
18 Jul 2017

The 90% or higher-rated Rotten Tomatoes films you've never seen before

Hidden gems you have to add to your list

by Carl Anka
18 Jul 2017

Why the 'Planet of The Apes' series is the best trilogy of the century

The prequel series is that rarest of things: a trilogy without a dud

by Carl Anka
18 Jul 2017

An immersive Star Wars hotel is coming and it looks amazing

Like a Star Wars-themed Westworld - but real

by Gary Ogden
17 Jul 2017

George A. Romero, creator of Night of the Living Dead, dies at 77

Fans and celebrities have paid tribute to him on Twitter

by Gary Ogden
17 Jul 2017

Talking haircuts and Dunkirk with Cillian Murphy in a hall of mirrors

"To an actor, nostalgia is death. The next piece I do will be the best piece I do."

by Chris Mandle
14 Jul 2017

Quentin Tarantino's new movie will be based on an infamous murder case

He's dipping into true crime

by Gary Ogden
12 Jul 2017

The 10/10-rated movies Reddit says you have to see before you die

How many have you seen?

by Matt Tate
12 Jul 2017

The 10 scariest, must-see horror movies at London's Frightfest

Essential for fright fans

by Gary Ogden
11 Jul 2017