Jump to Main ContentJump to Primary Navigation

A very long day with David Icke

david icke.jpg

Inside his fastidiously clean Isle Of Wight flat, the world’s most celebrated conspiracy theorist is making ShortList a cup of tea. Clutching the teaspoon in his gnarled hands – a legacy of the arthritis that wrecked his career as a Coventry City goalkeeper in the Seventies – David Icke gazes out of an egg-stained window.

“They keyed my car,” he announces, cheerfully. “I had ‘U R DEAD’ scratched down it. I just left it on, couldn’t give a sh*t. It’s only a frickin’ car.”

It’s 25 years since Icke – who became a household name in the Eighties co-hosting the BBC’s flagship sports programme, Grandstand – announced on Terry Wogan’s chat show that “evil was in control of the world” and that he was “a son of God”. “I couldn’t walk down the street,” says Icke of the ridicule/outrage/belly laughs that followed.

Since then, Icke has won millions of supporters, and when he’s not writing books or making journalists tea, he’s expounding his theories to audiences across the globe. This weekend sees him rubbing shoulders with the likes of Django Django and Bastille at The Secret Garden Party festival.

Even if you don’t recognise his ghostly mullet, you’ll have heard his most famous theory: that the Queen, George W Bush and almost everyone else who has held public office, is a satanic, shape-shifting lizard.

“I’ve seen it,” says Icke. “Their eyes flicker, revealing a pair of lizard eyes. It’s chilling.” We ask if Justin Bieber is a shape-shifting lizard, too: “Not sure,” muses Icke. “But Britney Spears is.”

“David,” we interject, keen to address the elephant in the room, “do you care that people think you’re mad?” “Don’t give a sh*t,” shrugs Icke. “All I think about is what I’m going to write about next.”

Icke’s books – bearing titles such as The Biggest Secret – and public speeches are wildly popular. Last year, he sold out Wembley Arena and spoke for 10 hours. “You are a hologram,” says Icke as we eye his quasi-mystic Native Indian trinkets. “You are a hologram and they implant thoughts into your mind.”

This goes on for three hours. He’s patient, charming and not shy with the tea bags, while outlining the secret totalitarian state he believes is operated by a cabal of ancient families. “They want a world where a tiny few at the top of the pyramid are super-mega-grotesquely rich, living in hi-tech luxury isolation, while the rest of us serve them.”

It’s around this point Icke breaks off to wave goodbye to his cleaner. “Have you seen The Hunger Games? That was telling you what’s coming.”

Icke’s rasping voice is now giving out, but he ends on a classic conspiracy: “Osama Bin Laden died 10 years ago from liver failure – that’s why there are no pictures of the body.” When we bring up some pictures on Google, Icke is briefly stumped.

“Photoshopped,” he grumbles.

The Secret Garden Party runs from 25-28 July; secretgardenparty.com

(Image: Rex Features)



30 pieces of wisdom from football managers

jon ronson.jpg

Jon Ronson's most memorable interviews


Conspiracy Theory Model Kits



Everything you can expect from Charlie Brooker's Black Mirror

What you need to know for Season 3

21 Oct 2016

A forensic analysis of Liam and Noel Gallagher’s ongoing feud

A timeline of the best brotherly insults of all time

by Jamie Carson
21 Oct 2016

The first Glastonbury headliner has been announced

And it's an old favourite

by Dave Fawbert
20 Oct 2016

Tom Cruise acted out his entire career with James Corden

A few good men who have all the right moves

by Tom Fordy
20 Oct 2016

A love letter to Red Dead Redemption

As the sequel is announced, we look back at what made the first so dang powerful...

by Sam Diss
19 Oct 2016

Your first look at Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2

Why can't it be May already?

19 Oct 2016

Luis Suarez talks English football and the toughest PL defenders

He's a lover, not a biter

19 Oct 2016

A conversation with Slaves about anger

Ahead of our first gig in association with Lynx, we sat down with Laurie & Isaac

19 Oct 2016

Benedict Cumberbatch on life in a monastery and hitting walls

Benedict Cumberbatch tells us why he decided to finally don a cape

by Chris Mandle
19 Oct 2016

Gary Lineker talks crisps, Rooney and "Sh*t on pitch"

Crisp don Gary Lineker reminisces about the time Diego Maradona nearly fell off a balcony

by Alex Christian
19 Oct 2016