Jump to Main ContentJump to Primary Navigation
Top

A very long day with David Icke

david icke.jpg

Inside his fastidiously clean Isle Of Wight flat, the world’s most celebrated conspiracy theorist is making ShortList a cup of tea. Clutching the teaspoon in his gnarled hands – a legacy of the arthritis that wrecked his career as a Coventry City goalkeeper in the Seventies – David Icke gazes out of an egg-stained window.

“They keyed my car,” he announces, cheerfully. “I had ‘U R DEAD’ scratched down it. I just left it on, couldn’t give a sh*t. It’s only a frickin’ car.”

It’s 25 years since Icke – who became a household name in the Eighties co-hosting the BBC’s flagship sports programme, Grandstand – announced on Terry Wogan’s chat show that “evil was in control of the world” and that he was “a son of God”. “I couldn’t walk down the street,” says Icke of the ridicule/outrage/belly laughs that followed.

Since then, Icke has won millions of supporters, and when he’s not writing books or making journalists tea, he’s expounding his theories to audiences across the globe. This weekend sees him rubbing shoulders with the likes of Django Django and Bastille at The Secret Garden Party festival.

Even if you don’t recognise his ghostly mullet, you’ll have heard his most famous theory: that the Queen, George W Bush and almost everyone else who has held public office, is a satanic, shape-shifting lizard.

“I’ve seen it,” says Icke. “Their eyes flicker, revealing a pair of lizard eyes. It’s chilling.” We ask if Justin Bieber is a shape-shifting lizard, too: “Not sure,” muses Icke. “But Britney Spears is.”

“David,” we interject, keen to address the elephant in the room, “do you care that people think you’re mad?” “Don’t give a sh*t,” shrugs Icke. “All I think about is what I’m going to write about next.”

Icke’s books – bearing titles such as The Biggest Secret – and public speeches are wildly popular. Last year, he sold out Wembley Arena and spoke for 10 hours. “You are a hologram,” says Icke as we eye his quasi-mystic Native Indian trinkets. “You are a hologram and they implant thoughts into your mind.”

This goes on for three hours. He’s patient, charming and not shy with the tea bags, while outlining the secret totalitarian state he believes is operated by a cabal of ancient families. “They want a world where a tiny few at the top of the pyramid are super-mega-grotesquely rich, living in hi-tech luxury isolation, while the rest of us serve them.”

It’s around this point Icke breaks off to wave goodbye to his cleaner. “Have you seen The Hunger Games? That was telling you what’s coming.”

Icke’s rasping voice is now giving out, but he ends on a classic conspiracy: “Osama Bin Laden died 10 years ago from liver failure – that’s why there are no pictures of the body.” When we bring up some pictures on Google, Icke is briefly stumped.

“Photoshopped,” he grumbles.

The Secret Garden Party runs from 25-28 July; secretgardenparty.com

(Image: Rex Features)

Related

HERO.jpg

30 pieces of wisdom from football managers

jon ronson.jpg

Jon Ronson's most memorable interviews

hero_roswell.jpg

Conspiracy Theory Model Kits

Comments

More

All 20 Premier League clubs as Formula 1 cars

Which club looks best on the track?

by Tristan Cross
24 Mar 2017

GI Joe is getting another reboot, but this time it's 'millennial'

Hasbro isn't saying what that means, but we're assuming the Joes will be drinking lattes while refusing to save for a house

by Tom Mendelsohn
24 Mar 2017

The new film from the guy behind 'In Bruges' looks brilliant

Even the trailer's hilarious

by Gary Ogden
24 Mar 2017

Piers Morgan is wearing a Tottenham shirt for Comic Relief

No Piers on Twitter - relish this day

by Matt Tate
24 Mar 2017

13 amazing garage bangers that were hidden away as album tracks

Make this the soundtrack to your summer

by Gary Ogden
24 Mar 2017

Wrestling is coming back to Saturday UK TV after 30 years

We haven't had legit UK wrestling on telly since 1985 and the days of Giant Haystacks and Big Daddy

by Tom Mendelsohn
24 Mar 2017

Stephen Hawking holds auditions for a new voice in hilarious clip

The legendary scientist's teamed up with Comic Relief

by Dave Fawbert
24 Mar 2017

Han Solo's real name isn't actually Han Solo, Disney reveal

Disney's president stuns the fandom with the news that everyone's favourite smuggler might not quite be who he says he is

by Tom Mendelsohn
24 Mar 2017

This artist is taking hair from the plughole and making art out of it

Good enough to eat!

by Gary Ogden
24 Mar 2017

Listen to brand new Kendrick Lamar song 'The Heart Part 4'

'Y'all got til April the 7th to get y'all shit together'

by Matt Tate
24 Mar 2017